This storyline/chapter/time in my life might be getting old to you, Soupers. I have hit another snag in my journey to become a Literary Journalism major. I received a B- rather than the B I needed to declare the major.
I won't blame the class, the professor or anything else except for myself.
I'll admit it's a little unbelievable. B- is so close, I did everything in the class to the best of my ability, but somehow didn't quite make it.
Is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life? Just not being quite good enough? Constantly falling short?
But now there's many things that could happen from this point.
I have reenrolled in the class for Summer to get the B or better. Should I make the grade, I can declare the LJ major and everything
is rainbows and sprinkles.
Should I not make the grade, I will declare myself an English major, hopefully temporarily, and take another English class in the Fall to make the grade so I can take the time sensitive upper division classes in Winter.
Should I not make the grade in Fall...well I don't want to consider it an option, but I may have to remain an English major and understand that Literary Journalism is not what I'm supposed to be doing.
I don't like this. I don't like how hard it is for me to get into this major. I don't like how I actually become scared when a lot of good things start happening to me at once because it means something bad will happen to even things out. Life might be sending me a message to not become overconfident, but it didn't have to do it this way. Have someone steal my wallet, have my laptop break, have my car get broken into, just something that's not affecting my long term goals. I'll get the message, strike that, I already do get the message.
These are fleeting thoughts soon replaced by the questioning of whether I should even keep doing this. It's never been easy, it's been somewhat enjoyable, but are all these signs telling me not to pursue this? Is my mom right, that I should be in the safe and secure health care field?
Ironically, I'm seeing parallels between myself and Robinson Crusoe...which is one of the novels we read in my English class. (So not only is life keeping me from being confident, but it is also showing its sense of humor at my expense) Basically disobeying the parents, who suggest staying in the safe and secure life, and the child going in a different direction to pursue his dreams.
"Nothing worth having comes easy" right, Booker T. Washington? and If I'm going through hell, I should keep going, right Winston Churchill?
I never want to send in a postcard like the one above. Life might be reminding me to not get overconfident and might be showing its sense of humor, but for some reason, it's giving me another shot to take this class in the summer, and I'm not letting it slip by.
It's go time now.
These next five weeks will be my finest or my darkest.
wildwombat
