The initial leaving hit me really hard...in all honesty harder than I thought it would. But the fact that it's over has yet to set in and I'm preparing for it.
I never realized how much interaction occurred at UCI, and now that it's all over I've realized how much of a difference it made. Small things.
I woke up yesterday and I didn't have to ask anyone if they already ate.
I didn't gather other people to go eat.
I didn't eat with 5 or 6 other people.
I couldn't wander the halls to find people to talk to.
I didn't see 4 or 5 libraries showing up on my iTunes.
I drove to my friend's house today to see a lot of my old high school friends which was great. I loved seeing them again, but (please don't take this the wrong way) it just seemed...routine. I liked the familiarity of the house. I liked the familiarity of the people. I liked the familiarity of what we did. I liked the familiarity of the humor. It reminded me that I was actually home.
But as I drove home, my mind wandered back to UCI. Somehow we had all functioned well even though we were all dysfunctional...and I loved it. I loved it because it was different from home and I think that's a very good thing. Senior year I couldn't imagine moving 10 miles away from my family and my friends. So instead I moved 100 and oddly enough wasn't scared. I found my niche.
Comfort zones are funny things. I think everyone has a different way of signaling they're comfortable around others. For me, you know I'm comfortable around you when certain things occur:
I make more jokes...and they slowly become more and more risque.
I dance.
I sing. (that includes Rock Band and in general)
I take pictures of you.
I do my signature move of waving my hand in front of my face.
Lastly, I have no problem crying in front of you.
It's an extremely powerful thing to gather your friends in one room one last time...and it's dead silent. No one made a joke. No one asked what they were doing tomorrow. Just silence. It tore me apart. It absolutely tore me apart. I can't remember a time when I cried in front of my friends at home, but nothing could stop me from crying when I left UCI (except for a few unwanted comments). And when I arrived at home, it was even worse. My friend told me in the beginning of the year that I would eventually realize that I was no longer a resident in my home, that I was just a visitor and that it would hit me and I would start crying. But I never did. I never felt homesick while I was at UCI. It happened the other way, in fact. I sat in my bed in my room I've lived in all my life...and felt like I didn't belong there. I belonged in room 202C in Ondas.
I'd give anything to spend more time there, but I wouldn't trade anything to not be able to see what will happen next September when we're all together once more.
They say that time flies when you're having fun. You guys somehow made my first year seem endless, go by in the blink of an eye and everything in between.
I love you all more than you will ever know.
wildwombat
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