I'm glad

Source: http://1x.com/photos/night/22707/

I'm glad you said yes.
I'm glad you made my heart soar.
I'm glad we talked all those late nights during the summer.
I'm glad you called me while you were on vacation.
I'm glad I somehow thought of you at least once a day.
I'm glad you gave me hope that I would start this college thing off right.
I'm glad you made me feel like I had potential.

And at the same time...

I'm glad you seem to have forgotten about me completely.
I'm glad you said you wanted to go out with me...6 months ago.
I'm glad I spent 6 months [stupidly] waiting to go out with you.
I'm glad you stopped talking to me.
I'm glad it was always me who had to put forward the effort to contact you.
I'm glad you probably don't ever think of me anymore.
I'm glad I'm such an afterthought to you.

And yes, it's really been 6 months. I come to question if you do this to every guy you meet. Do you always spend long nights talking with them? Do you always call/text them from EUROPE during the summer? Do you always say yes then never actually go through with it?

For a while, I kept giving you the benefit of the doubt. I kept telling myself that you were just busy. I kept picturing how good things would be when we eventually went out. But that only lasts for so long.

Then I got cynical and thought you were stupid and that you just liked the hunt and that you played every guy like this, but I'm not like that.

Finally, I began questioning myself. Was it something I said to you? Did I not seem confident enough for you? Or was it simply me? That's the question that floated around the most. Maybe I didn't say the right things? Maybe I wasn't strong enough? Maybe I wasn't good looking enough for you?

I'm glad you suddenly reappeared and when I asked if you still wanted to go out, you said "Yeah sure" like it was a fuckin chore.

So I'm glad you never went out with me. I'm glad you left me in the dust. Because you taught me early how some people can break your heart. It feels like you broke up with me before we were even together. It almost, ALMOST, makes it easier. And no, I'm not mad at you because you're human and things happen, some things are meant to be and somethings aren't. It's just ironic that you could make me feel this way after writing about how people should never be forgotten earlier.

I'm no longer picturing how things could have been. I'm no longer giving myself false hope. I'm no longer disappointed. I'm no longer angry. I'm also no longer waiting. And unlike you, I will never forget you, because even though you have forgotten me, it's hard to forget someone who has made such a significant impact on me, good and bad.


wildwombat